thanksgiving:.:tomorrow

We are having our Thanksgiving tomorrow and honestly, I'm kinda not looking forward to it. D's time home has seemed to fly by us. We've had so much fun after we left the airport and that mess. But the big hoopla tomorrow is going to be bittersweet, not only does it signal D leaving but MRG also. I miss my big family back home so much and T and C and all the nuttiness that is those babes. G and N will be here soon, that brings a whole new happiness and a different sadness in that D won't be here. He loves them all so much. D loves his job so much and he doesn't see all this negativeness that I do. I know tomorrow is going to be alot of fun but I can't help the sadness that comes. I love my family and I miss them.
Also on Sunday a very important thing is happening and Beth and Pat aren't going to be there. It kills me...I have all these happy things that are coming my way and time and time again the Devil pushes the pain and sadness at me. I feel like I am already so strong that I don't want to be stronger. There are these weights, so so many things that are on my chest. Stupid things that should jsut go away...I just can't find that strength. I wish that I could take some of that AF wife pride and strength and put it towards those heavy heart things. && brown water, serioulsy almost not see thru brown, is coming out of my faucets...what the heck serioulsy! Our lives have been this way since we moved here...the Devil needs to let up on me

.:vent:.

I woke up this morning is the best mood! I was happy and just all around cheerful. So happy in fact that I was super creative. I remember the days when I was always creative. Now life gets in the way of that. How sad, it's true though. The day sort of turned down at about 4pm. These things happen and with the countdown almost over I have to stay focused and keep my eye on the prize. I did go see my niece tonight, which was a good thing, even if the poor thing cried (she's got healthy lungs) the whole time. She's cute as a dang button and I will hold her before she leaves (crying and all). I did lose some focus this evening...D and I have been separated alot in our marriage. We spent almost a year with very few TDY's and always short ones at that. And that's got things screwy right now. My husband is stateside, I expect him to continue to act like a non-deployed husband. ...You may all suck the pfft back in that you just let out..I don't ever get to step out of my job as a wife, I am still here taking car of everything. And I mean everything, ask D who holds the loan on his car. He'll shrug his sholders. He never steps out of his roll as SSGT, what if I steped out of my roll as a wife? The would take our stuff, our world would fall. I had just hoped that this trip would be different than the others. It hasn't and that's sad, he'll come home and then check out before he leaves. He'll never check back in before he comes home but what can I do. A long serpation is killer on a marriage and we already have quite a few downing factors on our marriage. We will make it, I don't doubt that. The Bible does not condone divorce and my faith is strong.

Day 27!!!

and it's almost over! WOO HOO! It has been a long, rough 27 days. I've had a hard time with this TDY. I think it's because he was home for pretty much a whole year and let's face it, we've never been in the same state that long, ever. We are in the home strech and it feels so good. I want to share him but I also want to lock him in the house and suck up every ounce of attention he has. MRG is coming to the airport to help pick up Uncle D and that's going to be way exciting!

It's been an interesting week to say the least...I have a random red line around my neck, got a steriod shot for it. Maybe Shingles??? It so didn't work...low grade fever is now tagging along with it. I go into this local baker who has told me over and over again how her prices are only a few bucks more than walmarts...blah blah can make any cake. Well let me tell you! Not! A 6" round cake was going to be 32.00 plus tax! WTF!?! then she tells me that she doesn't make that flavor of cake. That's funny cause last week another lady told me they did. Here's my thing...she wants repeat customers so why didn't she go to walmart, buy a box mix and charge me 32.00 plus tax for it? How the F would I know! I'll make it myself but what if I was a moron in the kitchen and couldn't. geesh!

...random thoughts...

• every month should be Breast Cancer Awarness month...not just October
• we should give thanks every day...not just on the last Thursday of November
• if you're sick..stay home, don't infect people with your germs and your ugliness
• babies are for kissing and holding...not sitting in their seats
• dogs should live inside..how do you love them if they're outside
• baker's should make yellow cake...why wouldn't you have yellow!?!
• please and thank you go along way...it only takes a second to mutter it
• if your kid screams and throws a fit in public...scold them at least!
  

this weekend

was insane! friday I got my eyes dialated and I couldn't even read my texts...I'm suprised at&t didn't call and ask if my phone was stolen. I thought by saturday I'd be ok...I could read my phone but was beyond blind in the shower. I got my carpets and couch cleaned. There's just nothing better than nothing everything is super clean...ahhh, freshness. Today was Church day of course...I was running a little behind. Beth jumped out of her chair when I got in there she was worried something had happened to me. Her and I talked about the whole getting baptised thing. It's not that I don't accept Jesus as my Savior...I just didn't want to have to stand up in front of the whole church. Today I let the spirit in me win and I took the narrow less traveled road. In front of everyone I delcared my love for Jesus and accepted him as my Savior. Beth stood up there with me since D is gone. I ENTIRE church no kidding made their way to the front to hug me. I wanted to throw up, serioulsy. Three times Beth leaned over and whispered "stop holding your breath" lol I have anxiety! Hopefully I can get baptised when D is home, it would mean so much to me. My eyes are still blurry and I've been here for awhile working on some sunday school stuff for next week.
*by the way....D got his flight moved so he'll be home 22 hours earlier than originally planned. Also the confirmed the day he's leaving for the big I.

I think I made a scene

ooops! :) Normally I try and keep my emotions mainly under control at work. Today, I lost it. It very well could have been an accident/oversight/had to put someone there thing... but I just didn't care. I cried, ugly faced cry, as I was leaving work "sick" yaaa....that manager totally believed I was sick...he actually looked like I'd just told him I'd gotten my period and needed to change my panties *giggle* I was even sobbing when I went to the post office, poor Beth...she was helping me today. The crying all started because we found out a very small window, a big maybe, that D may get to be around before heading to Iraq. the time frame isn't really a good one but in the miltary the important days are when you want them to be. So I had went to my manager and he laughed...I went to personel, military clause in the family leave act, and then I ended (not by choice) having a meeting and letter, etc. with the store Manager...and I'll be darned if today the schedule didn't come out and not only am I working the day D gets home...I'm still set to be on the clock when his plane lands!!! I lost it, i spilled my secrets and everything. and for once I just didn't give a crap. I have been faking everything. I am not strong, I cry every day for at least an hour, I feel helpless and alone and I spend most of my time trying to get out of bed and not ask the "why?" question. I wish I could be some kind of role model, but I can't. I am barley surviving and I have a huge support system. I think I may be taking this worse than the first time he ever left me. I don't wish this on anyone but at the same time I don't expect (or want) to hear people say...I know what you're going through...there are very few people that do and I am going to stop there so that I don't offend/hurt anyone cuase that's not my intention. Well tomorrow is a new day and hopefully (I say that with a heavy heart) it will be better. Amid the whipering and laughing :)