I think I made a scene

ooops! :) Normally I try and keep my emotions mainly under control at work. Today, I lost it. It very well could have been an accident/oversight/had to put someone there thing... but I just didn't care. I cried, ugly faced cry, as I was leaving work "sick" yaaa....that manager totally believed I was sick...he actually looked like I'd just told him I'd gotten my period and needed to change my panties *giggle* I was even sobbing when I went to the post office, poor Beth...she was helping me today. The crying all started because we found out a very small window, a big maybe, that D may get to be around before heading to Iraq. the time frame isn't really a good one but in the miltary the important days are when you want them to be. So I had went to my manager and he laughed...I went to personel, military clause in the family leave act, and then I ended (not by choice) having a meeting and letter, etc. with the store Manager...and I'll be darned if today the schedule didn't come out and not only am I working the day D gets home...I'm still set to be on the clock when his plane lands!!! I lost it, i spilled my secrets and everything. and for once I just didn't give a crap. I have been faking everything. I am not strong, I cry every day for at least an hour, I feel helpless and alone and I spend most of my time trying to get out of bed and not ask the "why?" question. I wish I could be some kind of role model, but I can't. I am barley surviving and I have a huge support system. I think I may be taking this worse than the first time he ever left me. I don't wish this on anyone but at the same time I don't expect (or want) to hear people say...I know what you're going through...there are very few people that do and I am going to stop there so that I don't offend/hurt anyone cuase that's not my intention. Well tomorrow is a new day and hopefully (I say that with a heavy heart) it will be better. Amid the whipering and laughing :)