Wordless Wednesday: Dreaming of Choo

Coumadin and the grocery store

Yesterday was one of the more interesting days of my life. I went grocery shopping with the MIL and Papa. We moved through the Walmart like a herd of turtles. With Papa on Coumadin MIL and I wanted to make sure he was getting the very best of everything that he need. We read every.single.label. We made people smile and Papa a bit irritated. In the end, Papa has more than enough food hand picked for perfection and all he had to do was push the buggy. I love that wonderful man more than anything and I'll think he's forgiven me for not letting him have ranch dressing.

63 notifications later...

yes that really has nothing to do with anything but it was the last thing I read on Facebook...if I stayed off Facebook maybe I've had something funny to blog about. I've got nothing. I thought about talking about the doggy er but everyone's home now and there was no blood. next I was going to talk about how I have no idea what infertility cycle I am currently in and I'd really like for someone to let me know. The only problem in that I am currently upping the number so what's the point of counting if it's going to change. That's about all I've got, give me three days and I'll have plenty to pound the keys about while hopped up on some life hating, randomly crying, husband wanting to smother me hormones.
(on a not so sweet note...hormones start with the word "hor" yet they don't ever have to take them because they seem to be professional reproducers)

Prayer

I believe with all my heart (and because CB tells me daily) that God does give you the desires of your heart. I have spent countless hours on my knees, begging and pleading for the desires of my heart to happen and happen right that instant. I have spent as many hours doing my very best to praise the very reason that I take each breath. I get caught up, caught up in being human. I let fear, uncertainty, and anger rule me. Instead of reacting I should pray. The power of prayer works, I've seen it happen. He is the healer of leapers, the saver of sinners, and the holder of hearts. He saved me, he holds my heart, and with prayer he will heal me. He will fix my broken heart and he will make me whole. Until then I will rejoice and be thankful for all of the wonderful things that He has given me.

Ouch! I've been shot

I love the idea of a blogging, like writing in a journal but with feedback. Except that no feedback happens here and I'm sure that is for the best. I do hate the fact that people hate what you write yet continue to read it. I am not embarrassed by my disease, I did nothing to cause it nor did I ask for it. I have amazing people that are my warriors in my journey. When my first angel baby went home to Heaven I was shocked and amazed at the lack of support. I was just as shocked and amazed by the amount of support. It's funny how you think you know who you need and what you need from them but He shows what is needed. That was almost 2 years ago that my journey became different. People feel that infertility is a private "issue" and should be kept that way. I disagree, I have always been open with what's going on and what I've been through. I've had several women come to to share that they needed wisdom because they too were struggling with infertility. My heart sang because I was able to turn this nasty disease into a good thing! Recently I have been quiet about things that are going. I felt if people didn't want to know I certainly wasn't going to force it down their throats. I have since changed my mind and as others have been blogging "if you don't like what I am saying, please feel free to use the red x in the right corner" That is in no way me being ugly. It's me saying that it's ok to talk about what I "have" and that it's scary for me too. As of today I am in a fabulous place in my treatment and would normally keep quiet because I don't want my parade to rained on but I can't help. It's like He is telling me to say it and I just have to listen to Him. Today I got a trigger shot, trigger shots are used when an egg is mature and ready to be released. The trigger insures that it releases to get fertilzed. I've known for 2 days that I was going to get this and for 2 days I've been sick. I have the worst case of the "what if's". what if this doesn't work like the other times, what if I have to start injectables. What if this does work, what if I have 3 angel babies? It's scary to know that you will never hold your child here on this Earth. It's sad to know that your babies are not considered babies. I would never trade my journey and my babies in Heaven because I know that when I go home to my Savior I have 2 babies waiting for me that know me. I know this has been long and somewhat rambly but hey I'm no BlogHer so you get what you pay for :)
The moral of the story is I have an egg, a trigger, some fabulous warriors, and some serious nerves!