6.26.2010
Are you blessed?
I think that sometimes we all forget how blessed we are. We have homes, shoes, cars, and families. But we always want a little more than we have. I am just as guilty as the next. Instead of focusing on the beautiful things that I am blessed with, I focus and dwell on the bad things that I have been given. My infertility is the biggest thing that clouds my eyes as to how blessed I am. I carry more guilt than eveyone could ever imagine. I spend too much time in the "what if" and "why me". I cry and panic. I can't socialize with new people for fear of how I will react when the baby question comes up. I can't even step foot in church after the hysterics that happened on Mother's Day. I can not accept that fact that I already am a mother. Mostly because other people don't consider me a mother because my children were never held by human hands. Today I woke up and I was in "that place" the guilt was so heavy this morning. It was heavy because I forgot how blessed I am. I have a beautiful home, cars, material things. But what truly makes me blessed are the people that love me, love us, want us, need us. There is nothing more fullfilling than knowing you are being prayed for. I mean wow, you are someone when you know the pastor has your name in his book. I am blessed, He is walking with me and love me in spite of my ovaries and guilt and insecurities. I am blessed and I must never forget that.
